Kidding Ourselves: Breadwinning, Babies & Bargaining Power (Rhona Mahony)

Kidding Ourselves is an amazing book. I picked it up on a recommendation from Bitch PhD, and found it particularly relevant, given that I'm about to enter this world of marriage and all it entails. There's another review of Kidding Ourselves here.

Kidding Ourselves examines the role of negotiation within a marriage, what happens within a marriage when a child is born, and how tasks and childcare are divided between a couple. Mahony examines these issues using a lot of practical examples (which I enjoyed, because I'm fairly awful at understanding theoretical points, especially as they relate to relationship dynamics, and so on). I found the idea of specialisation fascinating - when one party specialises in something within a marriage - be it washing dishes, doing laundry, or taking care of a child, they will likely end up being solely responsible for that task, because it takes them less time, and they do it more efficiently. Even if two people share household chores equally prior to them having children, if one stays home, or works part-time, to take care of the children, they will inevitably end up increasing the household chores they do, and eventually specialising in them, which is an impediment when that parent wants to go back to work fulltime.

Kidding Ourselves does give solutions and negotiation tactics for many of the problems it examines , and I've already slotted away a few of them for future use, such as giving a non-primary carer lengthy solo time alone with a child, so that the primary carer's specialisation in childcare is not so pronounced, and therefore the transition back to fulltime work is not so difficult.

Thinking about relationships in terms of negotiation and future tactics is not something I've really thought about specifically before, hence my fascination with this book. An extremely valuable read, especially for those who've never examined this area of their lives, or plan to get married and have children, and want to plan ahead. 4 out of 5 (I would enjoy reading an updated edition, as this one is 10 years old - still very relevant, though, despite that).